6 days……

I sit here sipping my tea, after consuming my very British marmite on toast for breakfast, and think about my week ahead.

Up until May 7th 2019 – a mere 6 days away, I have known one person my entire life.  My Mother.  56 years of consistently having that one person in my life – whether we shared a house, a Province, or were across the world from one another.

In 6 days, she won’t be here.

People die suddenly, people have illnesses for long periods of time and then pass away, but I never predicted that someone so important to me would plan to move into her next phase and have control over when that happened.

My Mum suffered a terrible car accident, and at the age of 85 was taken to hospital with 12 broken ribs, a broken pelvis, ruptured liver, a broken left leg and a broken right ankle.  Not only that, but over the next few weeks her diaphragm collapsed  and a revelation to us that she had breast cancer.

Over her 8 weeks in the hospital, she became unresponsive twice and was assisted back to us.

Time moved forward, and Mum’s ongoing life choices were thought on by Mum, the hospital and her close family.  Mum emigrated to Canada from the U.K. in 2004.  Had she still lived in England, she would have had to suffer with extreme shortness of breath and painfully await her demise, while cancer ravaged her body. In Canada, she can apply for M.A.I.D.  Medical Assistance in Dying which became legal here in 2015.

Mum has always been fiercely independent, planned out her life, and been in full control of her choices…..so why would she stop now?  She had the choice to be in charge of her destiny right up until her last day.

How do I spend these last 6 days now a date has been chosen for her departure from this Earth? Do I carry on as normal? Go to work?  CrossFit as usual?   Do I spend as much time as possible with Mum?  Is there a “right” or “wrong” way to deal with this “waiting period”?

I’m not ready for the world to know about my Mum’s decision.  I feel unable to deal with a potential disagreement with anyone over my Mum’s choices.  This is private.  It is Mum and my families business only at this holding point.  So I continue in my premature grief getting through the 6 days ahead, visiting Mum, and witnessing her being the most content and happy she has been in the last 8 weeks since her collision with life.  She’s anxiously excited about her transition into her next phase, and on that I must focus.  At the very moment of her accident all authority over her choices were stripped from her.  Yet now, she feels in control, in charge, and that has power for her – and it shows in her inner peace.   For that, I am so happy for her.

My tears continue to flow, sometimes out of nowhere, sometimes they are all dried up.  I will go quietly through these next 6 days and wrap myself in Mum’s happiness and my family’s endless support and love.